Archive for February, 2005

Road Tripp

Posted in Tripp's Trips on February 27th, 2005

Tripp cut off a driver while merging on to the Interstate.  Out of panic the driver sounded his horn, and Tripp replied with an offensive hand gesture.  Then, Tripp spotted an opportunity to get in the left lane to make some time, but there was a slow-moving minivan preventing him.  So, Tripp blew his horn while approaching the minivan from behind at high speed.  The driver of the minivan changed lanes and Tripp was finally in the fast lane with no vehicles in front of him.

After a short time, Tripp noticed the fast lane was coming to an end.  Instead of merging, he raced to the top and tried to get in front several of cars that had already merged in to the center lane.  Of course, none of them wanted to let him in.  Therefore, he honked the horn and charge toward the traffic until somebody finally yielded.  The remainder of the road trip was rather uneventful. 

When Tripp got home he said to his wife, “I’ve been thinking.  Driving wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all of the idiots on the road.”

An OCD Tripp

Posted in Tripp's Trips on February 26th, 2005

A doctor prescribed Tripp a strict medication regimen for his OCD symptoms.  Tripp had to take a red pill every even-numbered hour and a blue pill every odd-numbered hour.

A week later, Tripp’s friend asked him if his OCD regimen was working.

Tripp replied, “It’s hard to say.  I seem to miss a lot of doses.”
Tripp’s friend was happy to know the medicine was working.

The Case of the Dead Cats

Posted in Tripp's Trips on February 26th, 2005

Tripp purchased a brand new, genuine leather attaché case.  He figured it was time to replace his old one because it smelled quite a bit like dead cats.  “It was just from reasonable wear and tear,” Tripp thought.

After proudly showcasing his new purchase at the dinner table, Tripp removed his old attaché case from the closet and retired it to the dumpster.  Then, he hung his new case in its place.

A few days later, he couldn’t help but notice that his new case was also beginning to smell like dead cats.  Tripp was disappointed.  He expected that new genuine leather smell to last much longer.  But since he did not wish to go to work with an attaché case that smelled like dead cats, he retired even the new one to the dumpster. 

Again, he purchased another and stored it safely in his closet each night only to have it smell like dead cats a few days later.  Tripp was tired of purchasing attaché cases that just wouldn’t work out!

Throughout all this time, Tripp’s wife was posting “Reward for Missing Cats” signs all over the neighborhood.  She really missed them and wanted to know what became of her pets.


No animals were harmed in the writing of this parable.

Relative Sobriety

Posted in Tripp's Trips on February 26th, 2005

When the blood alcohol level in the town of Bor reached .07, one was rendered intoxicated.  However, in Ybor, one was not considered drunk until the blood alcohol content approached .10 for it was in a different state.  Now Bor and Ybor were separated by a river and accessible by bridge. 

Tripp lived in Bor and was known to have a few drinks from time to time.  Every now and then, Tripp would have a few too many.  When this happened, he simply crossed the bridge and entered the town of Ybor where he was sure to sober up quickly. 

Vacation Tripp

Posted in Tripp's Trips on February 26th, 2005

Tripp and his family set out to enjoy a relaxing vacation.  Tripp was determined to ensure that nothing went wrong during their stay at the beach.  Since Tripp did not want their leisure time to be spoiled by an unexpected rain, he required everyone in his family to wear their raincoats at all times.  In addition, he made all of them wear thick knitted hats, lest they be left without protection should it become cold.  Tripp also instructed each of them to carry their baggage everywhere they walked so they could have timely access to anything they might need an not accidentally misplace any of their belongings.  Finally, Tripp attached chains to each of their raincoats and firmly secured them to a stake in the ground so that none of them would get lost.


Tripp’s family vacation was a success in that no one was rained on, cold, in need of anything, or lost.  Nevertheless, Tripp’s children couldn’t help but notice some of the other families on the beach enjoying their stay.

The Road To Marriage

Posted in Parables on February 26th, 2005

A man’s car ran out of gasoline while he was traveling a major Interstate.  A woman noticed him walking on the shoulder of the road and asked if he needed help.  On their way to the service station they realized they had much in common and decided to meet again.  Within a short period of time, the couple fell in love and married.   The union was a success as the husband and wife have been together for more than 20 years. 

Since then, the man has written several books insisting that running out of gasoline while traveling a major Interstate is the only true formula for meeting the perfect mate and having a happy marriage. 

The Parking Lot Story

Posted in Tripp's Trips on February 26th, 2005

Tripp and his friend were making several rounds through a crowded mall parking lot, unable to secure a parking space.  So Tripp decided to park in an Expectant Mothers Only space until his friend noticed the prohibitive sign.  He said, “Wait! Whatever you do—don’t park there!  I might end up jinxed and my wife become pregnant!  We can’t afford a child right now.”  Tripp pondered that logic, which ultimately led him to avoid the Handicapped Parking spots as well. 

Finally, Tripp settled for the Law Enforcement Only parking space, which was very near the main entrance to the mall.  Of course, Tripp’s friend couldn’t believe that he was willing to take such a risk!  Tripp responded to his friend’s concern saying, “Calm down!  Once your wife becomes a cop, she can get us out of the ticket.”  

Slave to the Slave

Posted in Tripp's Trips on February 26th, 2005

Tripp stumbled into the Robot Shoppe and picked up an electronic servant named JACK.  This was so he and his family could live the luxurious and leisurely lifestyle.


Now JACK did many things, but significant maintenance was required.  First, Tripp had to pay a monthly fee to the Robot Shoppe.  This was to guarantee that JACK would receive proper maintenance and do what he was supposed to do.  Second, Tripp had to carefully lubricate all of JACK’s parts at least two or three times daily.  Often times, he lubricated them more than that.  Third, the Robot Shoppe’s contract implied that random maintenance requests dictated by JACK’s programming must be dealt with immediately—regardless of the time of day.  These and many other things caused Tripp to spend far too much time with JACK.    

Tripp’s wife and family took offense.  They wanted to spend more time with Tripp, but it seemed as if he was always catering to that electronic servant.  Finally, Tripp’s wife gave him an ultimatum.  She said, “Either you spend less time with that stupid robot, or I’m taking the kids and moving out!”

But Tripp replied, “I must take care of JACK first!  Can’t you see it is because of JACK that we are able to live this luxurious and leisurely lifestyle?” 


Posted in Tripp's Trips on February 24th, 2005

Every time a guest would need to use the restroom at Tripp’s house, his wife was always sure to tell them on their way in, “Don’t forget to jiggle the handle when you’re done flushing so the tank will fill back up!”  She did this every time regardless of how often the same guests would use the restroom in a single visit.  One of their regular guests, a plumber, was tired of hearing Tripp’s wife’s robotic request reverberate each and every time he got up to use the restroom, so one day he brought his tools with him and fixed the toilet. 
The very next time that guest got up to use the restroom, on his way in, Tripp’s wife said, “Don’t forget that you no longer have to jiggle the handle when you’re done flushing the toilet!”

Hair Raising Scheme

Posted in Tripp's Trips on February 24th, 2005

Tripp was plucking a few gray hairs from his head when his wife informed him that for each gray hair he pulled, ten would grow in its place.  After that announcement, Tripp plucked every gray hair he had left, saying, “This is great!   My hair will be ten times its thickness.  Then I will buy some hair dye and color it all!”